Saturday, 4 November 2017

Flicker - Naill Horan


When you feel your love's been taken
When you know there's something missing
In the dark, we're barely hangin' on
Then you rest your head upon my chest
And you feel like there ain't nothing left
I'm afraid that what we had is gone

Then I think of the start
And it echoes a spark
And I remember the magic electricity
Then I look in my heart
There's a light in the dark
Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me
That I wanna keep
Please don't leave
Please don't leave

When you lay there and you're sleeping
Hear the patterns of your breathing
And I tell you things you've never heard before
Asking questions to the ceiling
Never knowing what you're thinking
I'm afraid that what we had is gone

Then I think of the start
And it echoes a spark
And I remember the magic electricity
Then I look in my heart
There's a light in the dark
Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me
That I wanna keep
Please don't leave
Please don't leave

And I want this to pass
And I hope this won't last
Last too long

Then I think of the start
And it echoes a spark
And I remember the magic electricity
Then I look in my heart
There's a light in the dark
Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me
That I wanna keep
Please don't leave
Please don't leave

Imej yang berkaitan


Why is it so hard ?

Is it so hard to forgive me ?
Is it your love towards me has faded in a split just like that ?

I've begged you...
Don't leave..
What else do you want me to do ?

Every second ever since you left, kill my soul so bad..
I can't imagine what would happen if you really leave me, forever..

You suit me perfectly..
Your attitude,
Your physical,
Your smile,
Are perfectly fine..


I know you could protect me at the best..
I'm so weak that I need your presence all the times.

I know you could treat me so well.. very well..
Every word from you always make me smile.

I fell for you so bad..
But why things turn like this..

My heart bleed...

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Fragile relationship

I know.. our relationship is so fragile.
I realize it..

I know. You'll go, anytime..

I also know.. You expect someone that much better than me. It's okay..

But.

I wonder..
How am I going to live my daily life without someone that I love wholeheartedly ? 

I can't bear the pain.. 
I can't.. 

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

26 days for trial

Assalamualaikum,

A few minutes ago, I stopped all my study activities. Then I sat on the floor and looked at my bookshelves and said this :

"Serious banyak gila seh nak kena study" 

*counting all the books that I need to memorize.*

"Cukup ke kapasiti otak ni nak hadam semua ? Ho hem jayyy"


I feel shooo stressed. zzzzzzz...  can I just leave this country ? zzzzzzz..




Saturday, 29 July 2017

You've changed


Once you've promised to me that you wouldn't change. 
Your love for me also wouldn't change an inch even how long distance apart us.
But now, those promises hurt me the most. 

I bet, my love hasn't change but increasing from a day to another until now.
I live in our memories you left. 
My heart in pain of missing you.
And it sucks!
Every time I see the places you've been, it kills inside. Believe what I say, my heart hurt so much....

And I'm hoping that waiting for you will worth my life afterwards. 


Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Old times


Assalamualaikum,

Last year was very meaningful to me.. I still remember the old times of us.. 
When I met him, my heart beat very damn fast! It hits my chest and I feel like it's going to jump out of my body.. I am little bit shorter than him, I even can't see his face properly. So, when we accidentally jumped to each other, I just look at his OLD SHOES. I miss that feeling though......... ugh.. 

I remember the last day we have school ( before he starts SPM and I got a short break ) I was finding him around the school.

 I've promised to him "Ok. For the last time, I will try to smile if I see you tomorrow"

But regrettably my mission failed.. no chance izzati.. ugh..

Ok lah.. I walk downstairs with Ramisya.. I'm frust!! hmm..

But then, suddenly he pop out nowhere in front of me. And I was like '' Mak aihh!!" 
(he actually came from Surau)

Seriously, I was shocked! And all the nervousness symptom came.. I can't help it lah, I was too shy, too nervous.. Ermm, well that makes me special.. ahaks!

As I promised, I try to smile to him. Nicely gitteww.. 
But, i can't move my legs hahahahaha. Every muscle started to cramp meh..

Then,, he smiled and continue walking.. ( that's how we communicate hahahahahahahahaha. lame kan ?)

Ehh tapi, senyum senyum je pun aku dah rasa kejung satu badan kay!




I miss those moments by the way.. I miss how my heart beating fast. I miss how my face turns all red when everyone teasing me.. My friend once told me this : '' Asal kau jumpa aku je, muka masam. Tapi kalau jumpa dia, pipi bukan main merah lagi, senyum sampai telinga.. kena panggil kau Humaira lah"

Yep.. I was very happy at that time..

Compared to this year.. it's totally different and hurts me so much. I just focus on study and sometimes live in memories I guess ? 

Imagine you're here works a bit actually.. :')




Saturday, 8 July 2017

Almost finish my high school. Yay or nay ?

Assalamualaikum,

Hello, it's me again :)

I write quite a lot though these days.. Okay la kan, it's a part of memory.

I'm so proud to tell you that...

that....

that.....

ehem ehem..

it's a 8th day of my lifeless-no handphone-period.

OK I should highlight the lifeless word..
like this:

it's a 8th day of my lifeless-no handphone-period



oyeahhh! I did it babe!!! No ones ever know that I've been suffering since day 1 I off my phone. I'm so so so done guys..

However.. I got enough sleep hehehe. So my life goes like this, pagi-study. break 1hour- tidur. tengah hari- tengok cerita P.Ramlee at Astro Prima. Petang-study. Malam-study-tidur.


For the first time in my life, I watch classic movie - P.Ramlee in my free time. Awwwhh shoo cute.. I watched Keluarga 69, hahahahahah bapak kawin dengan anak tiri P.Ramlee. P.Ramlee kawin dengan mak mertua bapak dia. Then, driver kawin dengan janda bapak P.Ramlee. HAHAHA SERIOUSLY I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW THEIR LIFE WOULD BE.

Then, I watched Tiga Abdul and many more..

OK Let's back to the topic.

Just now, I do a bit research about Matrikulasi. (I almost apply that thing, but they need my blood type. So, I need to check at hospital first. I'm so confident that my blood type is B because my dad's is O, my mom's is B. But.. When I checked WikiHow.. I'm in A's characteristic.. So... yeah.. check jelah)

Then, I checked the places. Somewhere in Melaka and Negeri Sembilan. And I found a few pictures that touched my heart (I'm a sentimental person kann , ehehe)

So, I was like,

''Betul ke aku dah nak habis sekolah.. hermm''

''Nanti mesti rindu sekolah, kelas, semua orang lah''

In school, everything can be done together. Means, at class you can discuss the homework. Doing presentation bodo bodo je (especially when you are so nervous and just say stupid things hahaha). Then class itself gives an aura. Where as you have a class teacher, class monitor, the students.

For me, OF COURSE I will miss my friends.. As I'm a class monitor, so I have to handle 26 students in class.. Eceyyyy takde maknanya handle, aku jerit "Oiiii, masuk kelas la!", no ones hear hahahah then I pass to Siva. Maybe they hear me sometimes because I'm a girl, not a stepmother of 5 Utarid. So, they respect me, '' Ok la kesian izzati, kita diam la jap" .. But then, dorg bising balik..

The hardest part is bila kena suruh dorg bertugas, Allah... Redha je la..

Then, when we all ask forgiveness from Puan Atiqah at serambi, because we didn't finish our essay. I can feel the love. hehehe. It's a memory anyway..

gambar takde kena mengana hahahaha


As a friend pula, I love my current friends especially Wonderpets (group name ok hahaha).


From left is Syahirah, Ramisya, Aishah ( tudung pink terlindung tu), Sofia, Hanani, Wala, and Athirah (she took the picture)
I'm so annoying this picture. Smh.... it was 2015 anyway.. hahahah

(nanti aku post lagi gambar kelas ye)

So, for upcoming years.. It's time to be independent.. No more school student life.. school bag, textbook, assembly etc.. :')


Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Sacrifice

Assalamualaikum

One fine day, I decided to turn off my phone and pass it to my sister . The conversation went like this:

"Apa pendapat angah, kalau adik off phone ?"

*main phone* "Angah setuju!!"

So sudden! I thought she wouldn't hear it because yep my voice was quite slow..

Then.. ok lah. I will sacrifice this just for SPM. Termasuk irfan :') Sorry irfan for making you waiting for me until I finish my SPM. Sabar eh..

Everything was so last minute you know.. Because, yep I feel distracted with my phone, the notifications, instagram, whatsapps and so on.. Everytime I open my book, then my phone ring. Ok that's the end of study session. I'll continue later. (sometimes..)Then, fikir la.. How to make myself committed in studying.. Then I thought, should I turn off the phone ? At first, of course I don't want! Since, that's the only medium to communicate with irfan. (ok I'm being so open these days ye tuan tuan dan puan puan, hohoho) ((ps:just chatting ye.))

Suddenly.. like a kesedaraan dah datang or like malaikat bisikkan sesuatu or like Allah dah bagi hidayah.. I thought of my parent's dream to see me as a doctor one day (in fact, she always mentioning my name with DR. like Dr. Izzati) , my sister's dream , she wants me to treat her or create a new medicine for her, do a research about her illness.. So... I feel so guilty and rasa terbeban juga..

Image result for sacrifices pinterest quote

How could you crash your parent's dream ? And see their reaction on the result day just like "Tak apa la.. Adik dah buat yang terbaik.. mungkin doktor bukan rezeki adik.. sabar ya.. umi dgn abah tak kisah adik nak jadi apa pun" This is so frustrating you know, not even worth my 17 years of life. End up seeing they cry or upset with my achievement. 



On that day, of course I'm sad. But when people around me are sad too. That's like putting the blame on my shoulders.

I still remember when my result PT3 day. I got 6As. But my target is 8 or 7 As. Then my mom was like 'acah gembira'  They smiled for me. But it's hurting though.. Then I heard my sister said this to my mom '' Kira okay la tu umi, adik dapat 6A, angah dulu pun tak dapat sebanyak tu time PMR." So, literally my mom was sad with my result..

Back to the topic..
Plus, I'm not that smart.. I can't balance many things in one time. Every thing needs focus and understanding. But I have a dream. So by hook or by crook I must get the highest I can. I can do it. Aamin.. Please pray for me :)

Image result for sacrifices pinterest quote success





To Irfan Nafiz: it might takes quite a long time - 5 months. I hope you are patient enough to wait.. hopefully, tak ada gadis nak menyotong kat kau la ya in this period. hohoho

You are my sunshine



Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Ada masa aku rasa kuat berdiri sendiri.
Ada juga masa yang aku rasa letih nak hadap apa yang ada depan mata.

Kenapa la mentally dan physically aku tak sekuat orang lain.
Kenapa juga jiwa aku mudah sangat tersentuh
Rapuh serapuh dedaun kering.

Kenapa aku tak boleh jadi kasar ?
Kasar yang mampu lindungi diri sendiri.
Kasar yang boleh buatkan orang takut.
Kasar yang dapat elakkan perlakuan jahat.

Perempuan.
Tak boleh pergi jauh.
Lembik. Heh.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

Insecurities

Assalamualaikum,

Salam Ramadhan to all Muslims :)

These few months, I always have a sort of insecurity on my mind. It disturbs in anytime and anywhere.. I'm sick of that.

One thing that always be a woman's problem ; insecurities and overthinking

I never can imagine of losing someone in my life.

That's what I'm afraid the most!

Back then, I once had a thought about ''One day I will no longer can live without my parent''
And after that, it broke my heart badly. So many thing comes into my mind. I feel totally terrible!  Yep. That might happens anytime. But I will never ready of it.

Losing someone that you love is really heartbreaking. I had never been taught about ''how to let your beloved one go''. 

It might take years to move on. I know myself well, I might be strong for other tests from Allah SWT but not for 'losing someone'. I'm really weak at this point.


But on the other half, to keep someone that no longer loves you is heartbreaking too. Both are hurting..

Please, this piece of heart is very fragile.. 

My heart isn't a thing that can easily change. It's not too cheap for this. All this while, I have been protect this heart from being played by anyone. Because, when I fall, it will be a serious thing to be cared about.

Allah.. my heart isn't strong as my physically are...


















Friday, 2 June 2017

5 months left for SPM

Assalamualaikum,

157 days.

Allah..

It's so nerve wrecking to see day by day passes mcm tu je. I don't know what am I ready for. Ready to finish school but not ready for SPM ? Please KPM, for once, please jangan make things hard for us. We all of course have dreams, and we already work for it. But sometimes just understand that not all students are granted which means they try hard and they can score. Pity for them who are not doing well in education but still they have their own dreams.


For me.. After 11 years of school education, I found that I am a type of introvert and I only can focus one thing in one time. So, it's a challenge for me to balance 9 subjects but I'm only able to focus one subject in one time. It's really hard. So, I'm so excited to go out from school (sounds harsh ahahhahah) because nanti when I'm in university. I only learn one main course which I like of course andd I can just focus on it. Sooyeahh, tasyabar.



Image result for education philosophy quotes




When I'm thinking abut my ambition back then, I feel so afraid.

I'm afraid if I hurt my little Izzati's dream. She dreams to be a doctor and everyone knows it. No other ambition. Medicine is her passion. Hmm, one thing you should know little Izzati, everything you want, wouldn't come easily. I've tried, and even I'm trying. But, work for it is not as easy as we think it would be. Maybe Allah has planned something better than this.

However, I will try to be 'someone' I could be in hospital. Aamiin. hahahahahahah..

Maybe Pharmacist ? Medical assistance ?

And ohh. I also planned to study abroad in Grenada or even somewhere in Mesir inshaAllah. But, I don't think it is possible for now. SPM is really a thing that limit all my dreams. haih.. Maybe I just apply study abroad for my Master and PHD nanti. ahahah, susah sangat kan!

Image result for grenada st george university
This is St George University!!!!!! *impressed*
Image result for grenada st george university
this picture really inspire me.


Somehow, I will try to get the best in SPM. Aamiin. Whoever read this, please pray for my succsess in SPM, life and Medicine. Aamiin. May Allah ease everything..







Thursday, 18 May 2017

Entering Another Phase Of Life

Assalamualaikum,

Next week, Irfan dah daftar university untuk further diploma. Tak payah nak 'further' sangat la, memang semua orang akan amik diploma/matriks/asasi pun..

( And aku kat sini masih struggle untuk SPM hahaha. In fact, aku rasa macam ada gap yang sangat besar between student universiti dan SPM. Padahal, tua 8 bulan je kan fan ? )

Aku wonder juga la, how it's going to be like.. Sebab different university, different students, different surrounding, so you must gain a different experience kan. So, entering another phase of life literally will change us to be a new person ( will you ?)

Contohnya, if you go somewhere for a long time. Lepastu, dah bercaampur dengan suasana kat sana, gaya percakapan semua dah adapt dalam diri , sedikit sebanyak mesti kita akan berubah kan.

To be really really really honest, aku berat hati nak ubah mindset 'irfan has grown and he's a freshman now' . Agak susah, tapi aku tau by hook or by crook aku kena adapt juga dengan perubahan ni sebab hidup ni sentiasa berubah. (tahun depan izz myy turnnnz !!)

Seriring dengan hipotesis ni :

Semakin meningkat masa, semakin meningkat tahap kehidupan seseorang. 

Tapi, will you change fan? Aku faham tak ada apa yang boleh guarantee yang dia akan steady macam tu je, At least 2% you will.. But I hope that's not much to compare with the old you.

I'm being sho emotional HAHAHA lek la zati.. Okay I'll try to be cool. ehem..

By the way, disebabkan dia tak bagi aku pos surat mahupun apa apa yang berkaitan. Maka, aku pun tak tahu nak cakap panjang panjang kat mana, so here's the place! Hmm, so I think that's all.

And here's the nota penting untuk sesiapa nak berkenalan dengan irfan secara jinak jinak burung merpati, merah merah buah tomato, irfan yang baik hati, boleh la bagi nombor telefon kat sini.. :

Beware, I'm watching you.

(where ever u go. hohohoho)















Friday, 5 May 2017

Exhausted

Assalamualaikum,

Sometimes I feel like I am at my lowest point where as I am truly exhausted. Until at a moment, I just want to sujood and hoping that everything will heal by itself when I wake up.

That's the only way that I can do to lighten my burden - through duas in sujood. I believe, at  this moment friends and family can't help much. I know Allah SWT is all hearing. He even knows my deepest heart voice.


“Say (O Muhammad): ‘If I am astray, I only stray to the loss of my own soul: but if I receive guidance, it is because of what my Lord reveals to me. He is All-Hearing, Ever-Near’.” [SÅ«rah Saba’: 50] 

Reflecting back to my early life when I came to Selangor. - everything wasn't come easily. Allah SWT has given me and my sister a lots of trials. I even can't remember each incident that happens in our lives.

The toughest part was taking care of my sister when she's sick. How'd you feel when someone you love is sick ? I'm not sure if it's only me who feels anxious,  restless, unease , worry. That affects me physically and mentally.

Seeing her laying on the bed and unable to do anything. Even talk and eat... Really makes me feel depressed.

I love her and it is so heartbreaking to see her like this.

Plus, I have no one to share my burden with. I mean, at that moment, when something happens to my sister. There's no one with me. And every time that happens, I'm like a fool.

 ''What should I do ?''

'' Who should I call ?''

My mom isn't staying with me. I'm staying with my sister, so that happens almost every month.. I don't know if psychologically that affect my mental health also hahaha..

HOWEVER

Praised to Allah SWT because He chose me among the other siblings or all the Muslims. He loves me and He wants to keep me on the right path. Alhamdulillah.

Other than sujood. I believe in this ayat too:


Where ever am I, what ever am I doing or in what situation I'm facing. I believe this ayat can gives me strength. It can cure my insecurities, stress and nervousness.

It's like showing the power of Almighty Allah SWT. He's the only one can help us in any situations.
He's the only one can protect us and we can depend on Him any time. SubahanAllah..

You can refer here for more information : duas
Assalamualaikum,

Have you ever feel so terrible when someone you love fall sick ?


Friday, 7 April 2017

It's April !!

Assalamualaikum,


Holaa! Dah April kan ?

Why time flies so fasttttt. ugh.

And of course, makin dekat nak SPM, makin kurang la aku jenguk blog ni. Aku ingat lagi time mula mula buat blog, sampaikan bangla yang letak bihun banyak dalam supp aku pun aku nak tulis.

Kain tersepak pelekat lalat tu pun nak tulis ;')
apa ni zati...


Ala, halal la kan ? Dulu tu zaman pramatang, shooo childish. Korang boleh tengok okay gaya penulisan aku yang dulu.

Sambil aku baca entri entri lama, sambil mengucap..

'Astagfirullahalazim, asal aku tulis macam ni ?'

'Aku syok sendiri ke ?'

'Allah.... Pahal aku macam ni dulu.. too apreciate herself  (SS) *facepalm*'


Tapi tu la, it means, otak aku semakin berkembang dan matang. Yayy!

Since aku growing bigger ni, entri aku more to life thoughts laa. Ha gituuu. Dan contoh contoh aku lebih bernas dan matang . Matang. 

Okay, got to go. Already 3:00 a.m..

to redears, Please pray for my success in SPM and get the best result. Aamiin.

I am trying okay. I am trying. And, sometimes tired. 

Saturday, 21 January 2017

october '16

When I first met you
I felt like I had known you forever,
telling you my secrets
and what I didn't want ever.

You listened to me.
I bet you thought I'd never end.

Who would have thought
we would become more than just friends.

Over a period of time
I got to know the real you.

A man so caring and gentle
with a heart so true.

You've survived your life
with hurt and loneliness by your side.

I told you I'd never leave
because of the feelings I have inside.

I know you
like no one I have ever known,
and sometimes I wonder
what I'd do if you were gone?

So I have decided
time answers all.

If it is meant to be,
time will remove the wall.

I love the way we are together.
You can always make me smile.

Will it ever really be forever?
I guess I will have to wait awhile.

Time will reveal what lies ahead,
but always remember
what I have said.

Meeting you has changed my life,
and I really love you so.

The feelings I feel for you
I am never letting go.

Remember me always
and I will too.
I always think of
me and you.




What a busy year ..

Assalamualaikum,

This is my first entry in 2017. I have too many wishes, tasks and targets to archive.

The first thing would be my SPM exam. I have so much PRESSURE on this. *facepalm* I find it is hard to archive my Gunung Everest target. Did I think about my real ability in academics when teacher do AKU JANJI thing last time ?

Obviously , tak payah pakai telescope aku dah tau this year would be my very stressful, pressure, terrible year in my life.

I inspired to be a doctor since I was a kid. *please count how many years I dream to be a doctor* . 13 years I guess ?

So of course, I don't want to disappoint my little Izzati, my mother who keeps on supporting me and family. But yeah,...

I HAVE TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. NO MATTER WHAT.























2017 IS A NEW CHAPTER