Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Ada masa aku rasa kuat berdiri sendiri.
Ada juga masa yang aku rasa letih nak hadap apa yang ada depan mata.

Kenapa la mentally dan physically aku tak sekuat orang lain.
Kenapa juga jiwa aku mudah sangat tersentuh
Rapuh serapuh dedaun kering.

Kenapa aku tak boleh jadi kasar ?
Kasar yang mampu lindungi diri sendiri.
Kasar yang boleh buatkan orang takut.
Kasar yang dapat elakkan perlakuan jahat.

Perempuan.
Tak boleh pergi jauh.
Lembik. Heh.

Sunday, 11 June 2017

Insecurities

Assalamualaikum,

Salam Ramadhan to all Muslims :)

These few months, I always have a sort of insecurity on my mind. It disturbs in anytime and anywhere.. I'm sick of that.

One thing that always be a woman's problem ; insecurities and overthinking

I never can imagine of losing someone in my life.

That's what I'm afraid the most!

Back then, I once had a thought about ''One day I will no longer can live without my parent''
And after that, it broke my heart badly. So many thing comes into my mind. I feel totally terrible!  Yep. That might happens anytime. But I will never ready of it.

Losing someone that you love is really heartbreaking. I had never been taught about ''how to let your beloved one go''. 

It might take years to move on. I know myself well, I might be strong for other tests from Allah SWT but not for 'losing someone'. I'm really weak at this point.


But on the other half, to keep someone that no longer loves you is heartbreaking too. Both are hurting..

Please, this piece of heart is very fragile.. 

My heart isn't a thing that can easily change. It's not too cheap for this. All this while, I have been protect this heart from being played by anyone. Because, when I fall, it will be a serious thing to be cared about.

Allah.. my heart isn't strong as my physically are...


















Friday, 2 June 2017

5 months left for SPM

Assalamualaikum,

157 days.

Allah..

It's so nerve wrecking to see day by day passes mcm tu je. I don't know what am I ready for. Ready to finish school but not ready for SPM ? Please KPM, for once, please jangan make things hard for us. We all of course have dreams, and we already work for it. But sometimes just understand that not all students are granted which means they try hard and they can score. Pity for them who are not doing well in education but still they have their own dreams.


For me.. After 11 years of school education, I found that I am a type of introvert and I only can focus one thing in one time. So, it's a challenge for me to balance 9 subjects but I'm only able to focus one subject in one time. It's really hard. So, I'm so excited to go out from school (sounds harsh ahahhahah) because nanti when I'm in university. I only learn one main course which I like of course andd I can just focus on it. Sooyeahh, tasyabar.



Image result for education philosophy quotes




When I'm thinking abut my ambition back then, I feel so afraid.

I'm afraid if I hurt my little Izzati's dream. She dreams to be a doctor and everyone knows it. No other ambition. Medicine is her passion. Hmm, one thing you should know little Izzati, everything you want, wouldn't come easily. I've tried, and even I'm trying. But, work for it is not as easy as we think it would be. Maybe Allah has planned something better than this.

However, I will try to be 'someone' I could be in hospital. Aamiin. hahahahahahah..

Maybe Pharmacist ? Medical assistance ?

And ohh. I also planned to study abroad in Grenada or even somewhere in Mesir inshaAllah. But, I don't think it is possible for now. SPM is really a thing that limit all my dreams. haih.. Maybe I just apply study abroad for my Master and PHD nanti. ahahah, susah sangat kan!

Image result for grenada st george university
This is St George University!!!!!! *impressed*
Image result for grenada st george university
this picture really inspire me.


Somehow, I will try to get the best in SPM. Aamiin. Whoever read this, please pray for my succsess in SPM, life and Medicine. Aamiin. May Allah ease everything..