Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Sacrifice

Assalamualaikum

One fine day, I decided to turn off my phone and pass it to my sister . The conversation went like this:

"Apa pendapat angah, kalau adik off phone ?"

*main phone* "Angah setuju!!"

So sudden! I thought she wouldn't hear it because yep my voice was quite slow..

Then.. ok lah. I will sacrifice this just for SPM. Termasuk irfan :') Sorry irfan for making you waiting for me until I finish my SPM. Sabar eh..

Everything was so last minute you know.. Because, yep I feel distracted with my phone, the notifications, instagram, whatsapps and so on.. Everytime I open my book, then my phone ring. Ok that's the end of study session. I'll continue later. (sometimes..)Then, fikir la.. How to make myself committed in studying.. Then I thought, should I turn off the phone ? At first, of course I don't want! Since, that's the only medium to communicate with irfan. (ok I'm being so open these days ye tuan tuan dan puan puan, hohoho) ((ps:just chatting ye.))

Suddenly.. like a kesedaraan dah datang or like malaikat bisikkan sesuatu or like Allah dah bagi hidayah.. I thought of my parent's dream to see me as a doctor one day (in fact, she always mentioning my name with DR. like Dr. Izzati) , my sister's dream , she wants me to treat her or create a new medicine for her, do a research about her illness.. So... I feel so guilty and rasa terbeban juga..

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How could you crash your parent's dream ? And see their reaction on the result day just like "Tak apa la.. Adik dah buat yang terbaik.. mungkin doktor bukan rezeki adik.. sabar ya.. umi dgn abah tak kisah adik nak jadi apa pun" This is so frustrating you know, not even worth my 17 years of life. End up seeing they cry or upset with my achievement. 



On that day, of course I'm sad. But when people around me are sad too. That's like putting the blame on my shoulders.

I still remember when my result PT3 day. I got 6As. But my target is 8 or 7 As. Then my mom was like 'acah gembira'  They smiled for me. But it's hurting though.. Then I heard my sister said this to my mom '' Kira okay la tu umi, adik dapat 6A, angah dulu pun tak dapat sebanyak tu time PMR." So, literally my mom was sad with my result..

Back to the topic..
Plus, I'm not that smart.. I can't balance many things in one time. Every thing needs focus and understanding. But I have a dream. So by hook or by crook I must get the highest I can. I can do it. Aamin.. Please pray for me :)

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To Irfan Nafiz: it might takes quite a long time - 5 months. I hope you are patient enough to wait.. hopefully, tak ada gadis nak menyotong kat kau la ya in this period. hohoho

You are my sunshine



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